Fathers, Sons, and Inequalities

I did a couple of days of Professional Development last week for a nearby school district. Hard work, but fun in its own way, and the teachers were very thoughtful and responsive, which was great. A few former colleagues of mine are working over there now, too, and it was wonderful to see them.

To illustrate some of my points about how children think about mathematics, I told some of my favorite stories, a few of which have appeared on this blog. But I left out this one, which took place in a kindergarten class early in my teaching career:

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The little girl is almost always late being picked up. Her mother works till 3, and pickup is at 3, and the mother hasn't figured out how to be in two places at once. Technically I am supposed to send the girl to the After program if she hasn't been retrieved by 3:15, but the reality is that the After costs money, which the mom doesn't have much of. And besides, the mom is almost always there by 3:25. And anyway I'm an old softy at heart, or something.

So we have worked out a silent understanding, the girl and I. I go about my business in the classroom from 3 to the time she is picked up, tidying up and organizing the next day's work, and she sits quietly in the big rocking chair just outside the meeting corner rocking slowly back and forth, her lunch box by her side. Sometimes she looks at a book while she rocks. Other times she just rocks. It seems to be a nice decompression time for her. Once in a while we talk briefly, but she's never been much of a talker under any circumstances; so more often this is simply parallel play of a sort: the day is over, and she is in her world and I am in mine. When her mom arrives at 3:20 or 3:25, she slides out of the chair and heads for the door. "See you tomorrow," I say, but she is the strong, silent type, and so she smiles and wiggles her fingers at me in a half-mast wave, and then she is gone.

One day, though, another teacher stopped by my room at 3:20 to consult with me about something. The room was empty, of course, except for me and my late pickup, the girl in the rocking chair. I was taking clothespins off a bulletin board, if I remember correctly (and astonishingly, I think I do), and she was rocking, of course, the chair creaking as she meditatively swung back and forth.

The consultation finished, the teacher noticed that I was wearing a sweater (this was in the days when I still occasionally wore long sleeves). "Nice sweater," she said approvingly. "It looks handmade. Did someone make it for you?"

"Um," I said. "Well, sort of. My sister made it, knitted it for my father. But it turned out to be too small for him, so he passed it along to me."

The teacher nodded. "It seems to fit you just fine," she said, "and it's certainly striking," and with that she ducked back out of the room, and I returned to my clothespins to the accompaniment of the familiar, faint creak of the rocking chair--

When, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, the girl spoke up. "Your daddy is older than you are," she said.

I had almost forgotten she was in the room. Turning, I saw that she had a satisfied smile on her face. "Your daddy is older than you," she repeated, just in case I hadn't heard it the first time.

"Yes," I agreed. "That's right." Well, of course it was right. But I couldn't resist finding out the details of her thinking process. "What makes you say so?" I asked.

"The sweater was too small for your dad," she said proudly, her chair busily creaking as always, "but it fit YOU. So you are smaller than your dad. And if you're smaller than he is, then you must be younger, because people who are young are small." Creak, creak went the chair as she rocked harder and more enthusiastically. "So that means your dad has to be older than you."

What could I do but congratulate her on her remarkable reasoning ability? And it WAS impressive, even if entirely unnecessary, and this tiny little girl, not yet even six years old and still unwise in the ways of the world, deserved all the praise she could get. "You're absolutely right," I said, nodding my head slowly. "My dad IS older than me. You did a great job of figuring it out."

"Thanks," she said, taking the compliment as her due, and just then her mother walked in the door, and the girl slid off the rocker, exactly as she had done a few dozen times before, and she wiggled her fingers at me with a larger-than-usual smile. And though it's been probably twenty-five years since that incident, and though I lost track of that little girl long ago, I can still hear the creak of the rocking chair and see the self-satisfied grin on her face as she explained her impeccable logic...

Ah, memory. It's a funny thing.